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Wherein we invite our readers to pin the preschool crayon word-portrait scrawled by humpy E! gossip paste-eater Ted Casablanca to the fridge and stare at it until they can divine the identity of his weekly blind item. We were forsaken by last week's blind-item-free column, but Ted offers us redemption in this week's beatific return to form. Revel in One Traditional Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Poor Unschtuppable Sheila. She's been discreetly dating gay men for practically longer than she's been famous. Sheila's mama, Lush Leona, probably taught her daughter just how to nab these dudes who ultimately prefer dudes, for what reason I cannot fathom. " Read the item.

UPDATE: You say: Your guesses are posted.