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This morning, we heard one of those Raid-huffing kinds of rumors that gave us pause. There was chatter that Matt LeBlanc's week might have gotten a whole lot worse after deflecting gay-sex-with-gay-hustlers-in-the-back-of-a-limo rumors. The whispers had it that LeBlanc wiped out his motorcycle while darting in and out of traffic on PCH a day or two ago, but was saved from grievous injury by his trusty helmet, and is currently convalescing at UCLA Medical Center. We don't know what possessed us to actually check on the story, but we did.

In a near-miss with "actual reporting," we called UCLA in a vain attempt to circumvent patient-confidentiality policies and find out if a "Matt LeBlanc," "Joey Tribbiani," or "Drake Remoray" were admitted. We were immediately stymied by an automated telephone system that insisted we enter a hopelessly complicated sequence of numbers that, once completed, made us on stay on hold while listening to unbearable chamber music. [Ed.note—Thank God we're not paid to be journalists, because that staying on hold stuff would totally ruin our day! We could've written ten fake stories in the time it took to do basic reporting!] Needless to say, we never got to a live operator.

Completely daunted and ready to run with the story, we were gripped by an irrational need to approximate "the truth," so we contacted Defamer operatives and discovered that Joey is scheduled to shoot tonight as planned. Since we find it hard to believe that Joey would be shooting "The One Where Joey Is Nearly Paralyzed On His Harley And Is Forced To Chill In A Hospital Room" this early in its run, we have to declare this rumor (at least) mostly untrue—but just in case, watch for a noticeable limp in Matt LeBlanc's gait in the show's Thanksgiving episode, or an abundance of pancake makeup that might be covering up any road-rash scars.

And good luck with the hustlers n' limo thing, Matt.