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Wherein we invite our readers to hack away at the tropical prose-thicket of humpy E! gossiper Ted Casablanca's weekly assault on the English language and guess the identity of his blind item. This week, Ted doesn't disappoint, serving up yet another TWO sordid tales of supposedly straight actors clandestinely liberating themselves from the tyranny of the vagina. Casablanca even candidly admits, "I get a lot of mail from readers wondering if I think there are any heterosexuals in Hollywood. Not many!" Amen, and enjoy One Boyishly Bad Blind Vice.

UPDATE after the jump.

Ted sez: "So, we got Jolly Johnny headin' outta H-town and taking over a certain fabulous harbor hotel in a rather famous port city recently. J2, in town for some biz, really worked over his fancy-schmancy hotel suite." Read the item.

UPDATE: It seems our choice to only include one of this week's blind items has been met with popular uproar. So we are officially opening the guessing game to the second item, which is even more chockablock with gay sex than the first. One Boyishly Beyond Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Oh, you thought we were done with the puerile penis set, didja? Hardly. No, we still need to zero in on Grimy Gus and Harland Fuss (or as they're known to their most secretive of buds, Gussy 'n' Fussy). G. 'n' F. have been on location recently." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips@defamer.com. We'll post them later today.

UPDATE: Your guesses are in!