The Curious Case Of The Hollywood Splat Fan

Anonymous confession site grouphug.us has this note from a supposed Hollywood call girl describing an alleged encounter with an unnamed celebrity and his most unusual fetish.
I'm a call girl in Hollywood, and I sometimes get calls from famous celebs. And, due to being molested by my uncle at a young age, I am pretty much emotionaly [sic] unstable and willing to do just about anything.
Well, about 5 or 6 years ago, I got a call saying it was an actor, who I won't name (let's just say he played Rambo) and he was in town with his younger brother. I'm much more used to going on these calls and having it not be the celeb, but this time it turned out to be true. Well, i know there are rumors out there that say he is into weird stuff when it comes to sex, but I didn't think it would be true. To make a long story short, the night ended up with him under a glass table while I deficated [sic] on it, while he wore high heels, and cried while masturbating under the glass table while his brother played naked with G.I. Joe action figures.
Man it feels good to finally get that off the chest.
P.S. He is a very good tipper.
We don't believe this anonymous "clue" as to the actor's identity, but it certainly planted an image in our heads that will take some very expensive therapy to erase. The deployment of the G.I. Joes into an unauthorized mission was particularly chilling.
UPDATE: We knew we'd heard this before, but a reader reminds us that this story is as old as Hollywood itself. Ah, how the technological wideinterweb makes everything new again!
This rumor has been going around for as longas I can remember. Depending on when or who you hear it from, the celeb is either Fernando Lamas, Desi Arnaz, Clifton Webb, Cesar Romero, and a host of others.
The rumor always includes a galss coffee table, and the john masturbating underneath wearing any variety of women's clothes. He also either cries, or screams or yells "Mommy! Mommy!" Sometimes there is someone else in the room, sometimes not.