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Despite a curious dearth of drug or gay sex references in Ted's blind items, you happily obliged us with your guesses. It must have been that astoundingly poetic turn of phrase, "brought you to a towering to-do whenever you wanted via her perfectly lip-glossed pucker" that held your interest long enough to fire off an e-mail. A quick recap:

Ted sez: "Dopey Darryl is engaged to be married. He's a well-known performer, but what he's really good at performing—sex—isn't as well known to his fiancée as it is to a certain college coed's pals. I think. But first, let's back up." Read the full item.

Ted sez:"Lola Blohyaah is too sweet to be believed. I knew somethin' was up when she hit the virginal-star scene, and as it turns out, a lotta things are up. And ready. Wanna hear the de-lish deets? (Might wanna put on a condom first, babycakes.)" Read the full item.

You say: Your answers after the jump.

You say (His): "Chris Klein." It seems the majority of you believe that Ted's "Dopey Daryl" is the American Pie, Election, and Rollerball star and beloved of Katie Holmes—a couple that many of you noted was featured in today's Page Six for the twin sins of eating at Maggiano's and possibly having a break-up talk in public. Could Ted C. be that timely? Could Chris be ahem, "dopey" enough to mess around on Katie Holmes, a comely young starlet whose honor Defamer will defend to the death? WHO WANTS A PIECE OF THIS? Excuse us while we splash some cold water on our faces and soak for a minute in the "denial tub," You're going to think what you're going to think.

You also say (His): Ashton Kutcher finished a distant second in your guesses, with no real rationale for the choice. Doesn't Ashton have enough young chicks running around the house? You know, ones that came out of his girlfriend? Also garnering your vague suspicions: Chad Michael Murray, Colin Farrell, and Leonardo DiCaprio. At least you didn't guess David Duchovny (the alliteration trick, but he's married) or Vin Diesel (the item did not involve questions of sexual identity).

You say (Hers): "Ashlee Simpson," in a win by the sculpted tip of an expensive nose. "She's the only known virgin I can think of," says one reader. We know how you feel. But how is this possible? Big sis Jessica turned out so perfect and classy.

You also say (Hers): Splitting the second place vote was Lindsay Lohan (her character was named Lola in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen) and Mandy Moore. Interesting, since both young ladies have been involved with improbable jailbait magnet Wilmer Valderrama. So we can probably throw all that virginal business out the window with these two; when Fez is rounding third base, you get the feeling he's not pulling up for anybody. One, guess went to Jennifer Garner, but we think that reader was misguidedly giving Ted credit for using "virginal" in a figurative sense.

Once again, you have startled us with your amazing, blind-item-divining powers and your incredible facility for decoding Ted's seemingly-arbitrary grammar rules. Thanks for playing.