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Today's Page Six offers a fascinating update on the love lives of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Ashley (still awaiting her hard time in Utah rehab) has snagged 30-year-old promoter/restaurateur/former Anne Hathaway paramour Scott Sartiano. Obviously, the guy has earned his celeb-despoiling merit badge. Meanwhile Mary-Kate, her once bright, animated-chipmunk-quality eyes now tainted by the thousand-yard Cirque Lodge stare, can do no better than cozying up to some Sartiano associate named "Ollie" while love-moglet David Katzenberg is up in Boston for school. All caught up? Good. We don't want to confuse the issue by noting that Olsen Full House co-star John Stamos told Sartiano to "take care of [the twins] while they were in New York." We'd expect that creepy pimp action out of Saget, not from Uncle Jesse.