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It takes a lot to dig us out from our ritual Sunday burial under empty Corona bottles, but when there's "breaking news" to report, we rise to the task. Apparently, Britney Spears will be involved in some marriage-related stunt at the MTV Video Music Awards tonight. So, you know, everyone should tune in to watch the lamest MTV/Spears publicity stunt since...last year's VMAs, when Spears and rapidly fading, semi-naughty icon Madonna engaged in perhaps the least titillating same-sex kiss by anyone without the last name O'Donnell. Our bold prediction: The "wedding" will be performed by Madonna, dressed in some kind of eroticized, shocking-for-1987 priest get-up. (Leather collar? Assless vestments?). And next year, expect a very messy (but completely expected) on-stage Spears suicide. There's really nowhere left to go.

Happy VMA watching!