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It's been 24 hours since we reported the crazy, unverifiable rumor that pop-star/white trash icon Britney Spears was dragging curiously fertile fiancé Kevin Federline up to Santa Barbara for a secret wedding. That theory was summarily poo-pooed by a tipster, who suggested that Britney's deeply Method role as a skank bride in her latest video might have led to the confusion. Up to speed? Good. Yeah, looks like it didn't actually "happen," but isn't she already quickie-married in our hearts?

This morning we offer you a new wrinkle: We received a tip that a Santa Barbara catering company is "on alert" for a "big, secret celebrity wedding" this weekend. Sure, the tip might not pan out. But we'll sleep a little better knowing we may have given the catering company some extra time to prepare a tiny, plastic couple (her: assless wedding dress, covered in Cheeto dust; him: sleeveless tuxedo, meticulously rendered 1994-era House of Pain facial hair) to top off the wedding cake and make their big day that much more magical.