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The Star provides crucial information giving new insight into the twisted interpersonal dynamic between Celebutante Skank-a-lank Hall of Fame inductee Paris Hilton and recently-married kid sis Nicky. The whole tabloid-baiting, publicity-trolling mess was all Paris' idea! Defamer analyzes the state of the Hilton sisters' relationship in light of this new development.

The Star tells us that the girls were hanging around the Spider Club on Friday night, and Nicky bitched that Paris gets all of the attention. That made Nicky sad. And then Paris is all, "Do something totally crazy, like get married in Vegas!" [Ed. note-That's hott!] The next thing you know, Nicky gets married to some lame old dude, which might not even be totally, like, legal, but she and her rad handbags are all over the tabloids. Nicky is like, "Paris, you're the best sister ever!"

But Monday finally comes, the story is out, and hold on a minute...didn't Britney get married in Vegas, like last week? And then dump that hick in a day and get engaged to some xxxnastyxxx, dirty guy with fifteen babies? Nicky just married some money-manager with rich parents. [Ed. note—Not so hott!] Paris gives the worst advice ever! She probably called the Star herself to say it was all her idea and brag that there won't even be a sex tape prominently featuring handbags! What a total attention whore! She knew that a Vegas wedding is about as exciting a stunt as tripping Tara Reid when she's drunk! Paris, Paris, Paris! Now Nicky's thinking Paris is the worst sister ever. But Paris isn't going to feel so smart when she finds out Nicky totally traded Tinkerbell for coke, when she knew that there was plenty left in the Zoloft bottle on the coffee table. Burn!