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Sure, we've been going a bit crazy with labeling things lately, but this time it's genuinely instructive. Here's where we stand with the things recently noticed on Paris Hilton's body:

Bruises: Rush & Molloy say that Paris "wants the scandal to die" and "won't make any allegations against Nick Carter." Notice that she hasn't released a statement saying Carter isn't responsible, but we did get this soundbite: "The last thing she wants is to be dragged into court, where some lawyer may claim that she was into rough sex or something." We suspect that if Paris' bedroom activities hit the press, the "rough sex" allegations would be the least of her problems.

Patch: The leading theory on The Patch is that it's birth control, but some of you think it may be a cover for Paris' as-yet-unrevealed Nick Carter tattoo. We're still pulling for the Ortho-Evra because getting your skank boyfriend's tattoo on your ass is such a Britney move.