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We issued the challenge and you responded with (somewhat frightening) enthusiasm. We further thank you for decoding Ted's prose on your own, as he was pretty tough on the mother tongue today. We're still looking for that secret "randomize" function in Microsoft Word that gives The Awful Truth its particular flair.

Ted sez: "Two celebrities busted up a while back (which, I know, is sorta like saying Hell-Ay has nonindigenous growing things). Let's just imply—if that's okay with you crusty dish detectives out there—that Bud Behemoth and Trish Trickster had a messier breakup than everyone thought. Why?" Read the whole item (at bottom of page)

You say: Your guesses after the jump.

You say: Overwhelmingly, "John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos," who "alluded to their having multiple partners when doing an interview with Jane magazine for the first X-men movie." Also, "there is no other explanation as to why he's still considered a stud, and she's too hot for most men," "she was mentioned earlier in the column," and "Uncle Jesse would have been all about the orgies." Please, let's leave the Olsen Twins out of this. Mary-Kate's got recovery to think of, not missed orgy opportunities with her TV uncle. One more: "That shit was on Page Six months ago. Ted sucks." And this: "Married X-Men actress Rebecca Romijn-Stamos has enjoyed several lesbian relationships - to cure her sexual curiosity."

You also say: "Bruce Willis and Brooke Burns," in much smaller numbers. How he continues to get erections while knowing his ex-wife touches Ashton Kutcher's penis is a mystery to us. We'd scoop out our testicles with a melon-baller in the same situation. He's a trouper, that Bruce. Let him have all the three-ways he can stand.

You also say: Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie ("BB" used in item), Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (wonder what the ratios in that three-way might look like), Halle Berry and Eric Benet, Naomi Watts and Heath Ledger, Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, For various reasons, but we that most of you just like to imagine yourself as the the cold cuts in these celebrity sandwiches.

You didn't say, but we expected it, given the comprehensive list of celebrity break-ups we received: Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.