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Fahrenheit 9/11's distributors are complaining that the MPAA is disallowing a quote by Roger Ebert caddy Richard Roeper that it wanted to use in its ad campaign. The offending quote: "Everyone should see this film." You see, F 9/11 lost a ratings appeal and carries an R rating, so the MPAA interprets that "everyone" as a call to violate the age restriction the rating carries. According to THR, a conference call to anti-piracy vigilante Jack Valenti did not persuade the MPAA head to allow the quote. "Clearly, telling 'everyone' to see a film with an 'R' rating is an unabashed call to criminality," said the enraged Valenti. "If we were to allow this endorsement of age-blind anarchy, the nation's renegade seventeen-year-olds would abandon their marijuana-selling posts by the mall Pac-Man machines and turn their local cinematheques into sodomy-filled, psychotropic sock-hops. We cannot allow the children to download the movie into their brains!"