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This is obviously way too good to be true: Blog La.comfidential posts a rumor that nuptial cannon-fodder Marc Anthony "has already ended his marriage with Jennifer Lopez."

Pray that this rumor is just a rumor, so that we can avoid this apocalyptic conundrum: The publicist must issue a denial of a break-up for a marriage that was never confirmed in the first place, but that we all know happened. So if it's true, when the flack says "There is no marriage," she is telling the truth. And that, my friends in Hollywood, will be the beginning of the End.

All the wings of the cherubs in heaven will turn to dust, and the baby angels' flightless bodies will plummet to earth, crashing through the roofs of our cars as we sit in traffic on the 405. Agents will become producers, and producers will become actors. Assistants will find their paychecks suddenly increased a thousandfold and leave their helpless employers to die exposed on the sidewalks of Beverly Hills. Struggling actors will find this new assistant superclass to be bad tippers, return to their underpopulated Midwestern towns of origin, and cripple the service industry. The Scientologists will unleash their bloodthirsty hordes of shock troops attired in cutesy faux-naval uniforms on an unsuspecting Burbank. All will burn.

Whew. Good thing this J-Lo business is almost certainly untrue.