We're pleased to present this first excerpt from the 33-page proposal for an important new piece of literature, "Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey's Secrets for a Happy (And Sexy!) Marriage," to be written with Lori Majewski, executive editor of Us Weekly. In Jessica's own words:

I know what you're thinking: "Jessica Simpson, what does she know about books?" I mean, anyone who has ever seen my show, Newlyweds, probably thinks I wouldn't know a book if one fell on my head. But let me let you in on a little secret: I am not as dumb as I look (although, yes, I am very, very blond, thanks to my really fantastic colorist). And I am not as dumb as I sound, either. Okay, so sometimes I say really stupid things. Like, the other day, my dad told me that Nick and I were going to perform at Access Hollywood's post-Golden Globes party. I said, so that's before the awards, right, Daddy? He said, No, honey, the party's after the awards. I said, but post means before. He was like, No, post means after. But I was sure that I was right. I said, Daddy, then why do you put a postage stamp on a letter before you mail it? See, I know what I'm talking about! Well, of course I didn't. A little while later, I thought about it and was like, Duh! I went up to my father and said, Daddy, why do I say such dumb things?