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The Smoking Gun has the final divorce papers from Nicolas Cage's and Lisa Marie Presley's short-lived marriage. Neither party will have to pay support or divide up assets from before the marriage. The official reason cited by Cage is "irreconcilable differences," but we think that Cage quietly invoked California's obscure, "Holy shit, Michael Fucking Jackson had been there!" instant-divorce clause.

Perhaps now Cage can get back to the important business of speed-engaging 19-year-old sushi waitresses.