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Fresh off his near-fatal Advil overdose, Jimmy Kimmel seems to be having one of those "seize the day" moments that so often accompanies a near-death experience. Fuck it, just because they're handing me a huge paycheck doesn't mean I shouldn't talk about how shitty this network is. Life's too short!

According to the LA Weekly's Nikki Finke, Kimmel took several potshots at his ABC bosses at the upfronts for the network's Fall schedule. He announced to advertisers that ABC has "nothing to spin off. No CSI. No Law & Order. Only NYPD Pink.” He managed some "nervous laughter" when he said “We know we came out here last year and told you we weren’t going to be in last place again. You got punked!"