Hosni Mubarak had a "heart attack" just hours before he was due to be interviewed—or possibly during the interview, depending on who you ask—by prosecutors looking into how he looted the nation he ruled for 30 years.

Kristen Stewart eats birthday cake in the vicinity of Edward and Jacob. Charlie Sheen is a serial pet killer. Tori Spelling is pregnant again. Ashley Tisdale shows her boobs, and so does Christina Hendricks. Tuesday gossip eats cake.

Ever since The Huffington Post sold itself off to AOL for an enormous pile of treasure, the legions of people who've been happily blogging for HuffPo for free for all these years have been asking themselves: Hey, shouldn't we get a piece of that pie? Now, they are demanding it.

You know what's a really bad idea? Allowing college kids to carry concealed handguns on public university campuses. For the second time, a Texas Republican state senator, Jeff Wentworth is trying to get a bill passed that would allow this to happen. But as of last night, according to The Austin American-Statesman, the bill appeared to be almost dead. Wentworth told the paper, "I didn't have the votes" to get the bill on trigger happy Governor Rick Perry's desk. Good.

Looking for a fixer-upper vacation home in a tropical paradise? Then why not bid on former Panamanian dictator — and convicted drug-trafficker — Manuel Noriega's "dilapidated" 35,000-square-foot mansion? It just failed to sell at auction for a second time, with an asking price of $2.5 million according to the AP. Get a whiff of the desperation! It's time to lowball the Panamanian Economy Department, who said in a statement that the property will go back on the block for a third time. That would make a great episode of Million Dollar Listing, no?

Some upbeat news for the Japanese tourism industry: The country may have just upgraded their ongoing nuclear disaster to Chernobyl-levels, but as of this coming Friday, Tokyo Disneyland will reopen its gates to visitors.

Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss refuse to drop their grudge against Facebook. The Harvard alumni twins said they will appeal today's smackdown by a panel of federal appeals judges, seeking review by all judges in the Ninth Circuit. Ugh.

There are widespread reports in the Chinese press that Facebook may circumvent China's ban on Facebook.com by partnering with the dominant local search engine Baidu to create a "new," jointly owned social network. Ten Yuan to one says this new social network will work in a manner suspiciously similar to Facebook.com. Facebook is slippery like that. [BI, image via Getty]

Lots of people are talking about Lady Gaga's new video for her song "Judas," including the creative director who worked on the project and the Catholic League, which is up in arms like usual. They disagree on the video's message, but there's one thing everyone will soon be able to agree on: Lady Gaga is ripping off Madonna again.

As she closes in on a possible presidential run, gleefully ignorant Tea Party queen Michele Bachmann says she isn't doing this for self-aggrandizement. She is doing this to save America, in one presidential term or less:

Benicio del Toro's publicist, on Rod Stewart daughter and Paris Hilton also-ran Kim Stewart: "Kimberly is pregnant. Benicio is the father and is very supportive. Although they are not a couple, they are looking forward to the arrival of the baby." Good to know. [L&S, images via Getty]

In July 2004, as the Iraq War spiraled out of control, Donald Rumsfeld ordered a staffer to draw up a "What Did Not Happen?" memo—a list of potential bad outcomes that had been avoided—to make himself feel better. Things could be worse, right?

Michael Lohan peeps through Lindsay's windows and tries to bust into her house. Natalie Portman gives up veganism for her fetus. Joan Rivers uses vodka as deodorant. Nicki Minaj will share a stage with Britney. Monday gossip spent the weekend stalking its loved ones.

Remember when the White House agreed to push forward President Obama's speech about U.S. involvement in Libya last month because people really needed to see Dancing with the Stars? Something similar has happened up north, where Thursday's French language political debate was moved forward to avoid conflicting with a Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins playoff game. From the Toronto Star:

What's dumber than a gun show? A gun show that allows people to bring their own weapons. Especially when someone decides they're going to bring a .45 caliber handgun after they've been drinking, load said handgun, and then accidentally shoot an old man and a teenager. According to the AP, 30-year-old Joshua Wilkinson went to the Tri-State Gun and Knife Show on Saturday in Evansville, Indiana, where:

Some former clients have filed a class action lawsuit against JPMorgan saying their bests interests weren't taken into account as the financial world first started to collapse in 2007 and, shockingly, that the bank actually profited $1.9 billion from the demise of London-based investment vehicle Sigma while the clients lost nearly $500 million in assets that JPMorgan didn't pull out. Oh the nerve of these not-as-rich-as-they-used-to-be people!

Amid growing public outrage that resulted in the death yesterday of two Egyptian protesters, Hosni Mubarak has issued his first, self-pitying statement since he was forced out of office two months ago. Meanwhile, state prosecutors have summoned him for questioning, and arrested his former Prime Minister, Ahmed Nazif.

I'm not entirely sure why Dennis Quaid has penned a short essay for Newsweek entitled "My Favorite Mistake: Cocaine," but he has, so let's blow through a few lines.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are a young, attractive couple who have been living together for ages. If they haven't had sex by now we'd be worried. Luckily nobody in the UK cares about whether their princesses are virgins anymore.

Today we learned that Dan Quayle's son is going to save us from the earthquakes. Naturally when one thinks about an earthquake in the US, one thinks of California. But there's somewhere we're forgetting, guys. Come, let's get scared together.