Having already brought you horrifying true stories of fried rats and poop and murder, we return today with our third and final installment of Kitchen Nightmares: Do not read while eating! Really, don't. Seriously.

Rep. Michele Bachmann's "psychologist" husband, Marcus Bachmann, is apparently starting to feel like a liability to his wife's political prospects. Either that, or he just likes talking to the papers! Because he's now going on the record to defend his Christian counseling business against charges of being anti-gay.

The nice summer weather belies a dark truth: two beloved franchises, one hugely popular, the other sadly ignored, are ending. Let's take a moment to remember, and thank, both Harry Potter and Friday Night Lights.

If you felt a disturbance in the internet this morning, it was probably because Lady Gaga's YouTube account was briefly shut down due to copyright issues. It had something to do with her posting a clip from the Japanese TV show Smap x Smap? Anyway, she's back, so her "little monsters" can go back into their caves.

Contrary to popular belief, video has not killed the radio star and on last night's episode of Big Apple Diaries we saw that videos have in fact killed all the senses instead, mostly the sense of hearing. Oh, and there was a war over breakfast.

The dingbats at Fox News' illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox and Friends, finally got around to "covering" the News Corp. hacking scandal that's giving their parent company overlord, Rupert Murdoch, so many problems these days. It is one of the sadder bits of television you'll ever see, right up there with... every other Fox and Friends segment that's ever aired, probably.

Just in case you feared the giant swell in her belly was a tumor, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has finally confirmed her pregnancy. The French first lady and anal play enthusiast says she doesn't know the gender, and did not specify how many months along she is. Tabloids speculate her fetus is a week or two shy of six months. I'm not sure how they reached such a specific date, but suspect it had something to do with a hacked cellphone hidden under a mattress. Unless Nicolas Sarkozy's sympathy bump gave it away. [People, image via Getty]

Add Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour to the list of GOP pols that Fox News CEO Roger Ailes schmoozes with. According to records obtained by Gawker under the Mississippi Public Records Act, Barbour met with Ailes at News Corporation's New York headquarters for an hour on October 14, 2010—just three weeks before the midterm elections in which Barbour played a major role.

You can't accuse Big Food companies of failing to care about America's health. If Americans die, who will buy all the Cheetos and Kool Aid, for example? That's why Big Food is willing to make minor cosmetic concessions—for you!

The Wall Street Journal has new details on what intelligence, exactly, we got from the Abbottabad compound Osama bin Laden was living in when he was hunted down and killed by Navy SEALs. Top among the discoveries: Bin Laden wanted to mark the 10th anniversary of 9/11 with another 9/11.

J. Lo shoves Mary-Louise Parker to grab the attention of royals. Jon Hamm gets "absolutely blind drunk." Kristen Stewart gets in a car accident. Elin Nordegren lands a billionaire. TGIFriday gossip.

Here's a trailer for Disney/Pixar's (yup) John Carter, a space epic based on Edgar Rice Burroughs's old-timey Barsoom pulp novel series. This is to be Taylor Kitsch's big star-maker, so will it work?

A famous musician's spurned lover asks advice about whether or not to release his nude photos. This actress is on the prowl for dates. And this actress spent 3K on sex toys. Wonder if she'll use them in a naked photo shoot?

Rupert Murdoch's phone-hacking scandal rolls on today, with the resignation of Rebekah Brooks as CEO of News International. Brooks' farewell email to staff, via the AP:

There seems to be a rash of confusion lately over the identity of the one, true Casey Anthony. On Wednesday, some people seemed to think she was a black man living in a Philadelphia suburb. (His name is Casey Anthony, too.) Now we have the unfortunate case of Oklahoma resident Sammay Blackwell (pictured, right), who does look a little like Casey Anthony. (Not the black man, though — the white woman from Orlando acquitted of killing her daughter. You see how confusing this can get?)

Hipsters love bikes. They also love wine. But because stuffing a bottle of red in your messenger bag before pedaling down to the park for a picnic is totally déclassé, it hasn't been possible to marry the two. Until now, that is. Etsy user oopsmark is now offering a "Bicycle Wine Rack," which is described thusly:

A lot is riding on Captain America's shoulders. Will it give us the morale boost we so desperately need to get our economy moving again? Or will subpar dialogue and bloated, confusing action sequences send us wandering out of chilly multiplexes feeling disappointed, apathetic, and confused, setting us on a collision course with a dystopian future in which we're forced to live in discarded Ikea boxes and eat our own children to survive? The choice is yours, Chris Evans. Our tomorrow is in your hands. In the meantime, read the Top 10 list. You do that good. [Late Show]

Anthony Garcia, a 32-year-old grocery clerk from Albuquerque, will be indicted Friday for having talked a Sunflower Market customer last January into eating a yogurt sample. But this was not just a yogurt sample.

Rep. Julia Hurley, 29, is a freshman legislator from Tennessee who once worked as a waitress at a Hooters restaurant. Yeah, so what. You got a problem with it? As she recently told Hooters Magazine (it's like The Economist, but with articles about onion rings and large breasts), "I have taken quite a bit of flack from the public at large during my run for State House in Tennessee for being a Hooters Girl. But I know that without that time in my life I would not be as strong-willed and eager to become successful." Right on, Rep. Hurley! Unfortunately, though, her political career has gotten off to a not-so-auspicious start.

Here's the trailer for Hugo, a 3D fantasy/adventure film that will hit theaters this November. Based on Brian Selznick's children's novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret and directed by none other than Martin Scorsese, Hugo tells the story of an orphan who lives in the walls of a 1930s Paris train station. A mysterious/magical train station! The movie stars Sacha Baron-Cohen and Ben Kingsley, among others, and while Joe Pesci is conspicuously absent, Hugo still looks to be a Thanksgiving Weekend must-see. [via NYM]