Nicole Kidman and Woody Allen join forces, cable ratings are up, the Kennedys get a conservative treatment, Ian Somerhalder is back, and, just maybe, so is Jesus.

Today we have an offender of Judaism, a mean actor who got served, a ruined hotel room, an off-putting photography hobby, and a celebrity deliberately gaining weight.

Scarlett Johansson complained about the "rigid diet" she's on when she showed up "very slim" to a London film party Tuesday, says Page Six's source. The starlet does seem streamlined.

Producers still want vengeance against Jeremy Piven for dropping out of Speed the Plow due to "mercury poisoning." They've been thwarted once, and the actor now claims history and Hope are on his side.

[Hey, it's that kid from Twilight, you know... the wolf one. So there's that. Vancouver. Huh. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Sean Penn will play Larry, alongside Jim Carrey as Curly and Benicio del Toro in the Farrelly brothers' Three Stooges movie. While some had assumed/hoped this would be a classy biopic, it's not. Just slapstick.

There's finally a trailer out for Spike Jonze's long-delayed Where the Wild Things Are. It looks intriguing, and ought to appeal to those hipster 10-year-olds you know who already dress better than you.

Yesterday was Perez Hilton's 31st birthday! His star-studded birthday bash will be March 28th at LA's "iconic" Viper Room. And here's how his marketing firm is trying to sell people sponsorships of this once-in-Perez's-lifetime affair:

Zac Efron continues his reign of mild terror, Freida Pinto is cool beans, George Lopez gets a talk show (shudder), and two fine actors will play two fine politicians in a flick about the Clintons.

On this frigid spring morn we have an actor whose ladyfriend is addicted to cocaines, but he's none the wiser, an actress who tends to throw up her food, and a model who likes people.

David Letterman made an honest woman of his sweetheart, and this is how the gods reward him: Blake Lively, still nursing a childhood Letterman crush, tempted the Late Show host with a threesome.

Someone alert Lou Dobbs! Those terrible Spanish-speakers are taking over our airwaves. Or, NBC is just in the toilet. They averaged a paltry six million viewers last week, bested in 18-34's by the Spanish-language net.

Gigi Levangie, author of The Starter Wife, has so much of producer Brian Grazer's money after their divorce, that she can write books about her rich divorcée life just to piss him off.

You have displeased Grandfather greatly. Rather than spending your Monday evening drinking brandy in the library, chatting with a senator, you spent it watching Gossip Girl. At least hook Gramps up with a recap, yo.

[Harvey Weinstein leaving the Waverly Inn with "Gossip Girl" stars Blake Lively and Penn Badgley; image via INF]

New Moon has found its werewolves, E! has found its late night muse. Cameron Diaz forges new territory, while Catherine O'Hara ought to look good toting a gun. Plus, Amanda Bynes news.

Today we have a mom-dodging heartthrob, an actress who's kinky on and off screen, a cheating actor, and a confused old model who thinks she's on the cover of every magazine.

Courtenay Semel is ready to stop lighting her girlfriends' hair on fire, or at least regain access to the trust fund her father, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, locked her out of.

Today was the first day of closing arguments in the murder retrial of violent psycho and musical genius Phil Specter, seen here looking creepy as the jury left the courtroom [AP Photo/Al Seib, Pool]

It turns out using Twitter will not get you laid. Actress Jennifer Aniston reportedly dumped musician John Mayer over his habit of broadcasting his every idle thought on the microblogging service. Hurray!