Self-appointed "geeks" are nominating their blogosphere heroes to become America's CTO under presumptive President Barack Obama. The roster reads like the speaker list at any old emerging-technology conference: Larry Lessig. Tim O'Reilly. Dave Winer. Would any of these guys know a data governance strategy if it bit them on the face? Obviously, what their fans really want isn't a chief technology officer, it's someone to be Obama's Web 2.0 point man — a Social Media Czar. Guess who that should be?"They could use someone with a serious understanding of social media *and* some political / campaign experience," wrote a former government technology adviser in my inbox. "To my knowledge, they don't have that person." The role would be pretty simple: Keep President Obama's message out front and ahead of his detractors on Twitter, Facebook, Digg, Boing Boing and every other breaking-news feed used by Internet addicts who don't trust CNN. Because as this week's fumbled VP announcement demonstrated, if you aren't on message 24/7, you'll be claim-jumped by opponents jamming the channel with misinformation. Obama will need someone to lead the troops. Someone to be available as go-to person for the mainstream media reporters who'll write trend articles based on three status updates. The position doesn't need a pontificating "thought leader." It needs someone who knows how to own the Internet. Tim Berners-Lee? Marc Andreessen? Caterina Fake from Flickr? Are you serious? There's only one person on Earth with a proven ability to stay on top of Web 2.0 regardless of her message — or lack thereof. That's our always-on mascot Julia Allison. Unlike any of the proposed nominees, she's dated a congressman. Oh, and she worked on Capitol Hill as a "legislative correspondent." Not much, but that's more exposure to Beltway mores than most of the old goats currently being Twittered for the job. And more than any other member of the Web 2.0 mafia, Julia Allison has a proven track record of getting people to show up for parties — er, meetings. (Photo by Brian Solis)

How does the slowest industry news week of the year suddenly become a busy one at Defamer? Simple: Just add a Washington bureau! However, since we entered grueling negotiations last week to bring Victoria Jackson aboard as our full-time bureau chief and ideological consultant, we've fallen behind on a list of essential stories coming out of this week's Democratic National Convention. So for the sake of your political edification and our poor, congested inboxes, here's the latest worth knowing from Denver and beyond:· Hollywood East is open for business, reports Variety, with everyone from Jennifer Lopez to Kanye West to Cyndi Lauper enlisted to share in the platform platitudes. The bad news: Bono is skipping Denver, leaving a sanctimony vacuum from which organizers are attempting to shield guest speaker Fran Drescher — especially at this altitude. · Gamble for Democracy! In the best DNC synergy to date, Poker Players Alliance and the Paralyzed Veterans of America are co-hosting a charity tournament Tuesday at Coors Field. Ben Affleck will among the players; the winner gets a seat at the 2009 World Series of Poker. · "According to the Center For Responsive Politics, which follows political money, [Joe] Biden throughout his U.S. Senate career has raised only $390,298 from the TV/Movies/Music sector, including a mere $187,600 from entertainment industry donors in 2008 while he was running for President." More from Nikki Finke. · Access Hollywood kicked a note over the transom reporting that Jennifer Hudson will sing the national anthem before Obama's speech Thursday night. · Sheryl Crow performed at Red Rocks on Sunday, later telling Extra that while Barack Obama inspires her, "Celebrity has sort of become a derogatory term." Not on our watch, Sheryl! Anyway, tune in tonight, etc. etc. · Speaking of Extra, this just in about the show's Denver correspondent: "Carlos Diaz is reporting all week from Denver’s Democratic National Convention and is available for live shots." But enough about target practice! Zing! Ugh. Politics is hard! · Paul Colichman, the mogul (and Hillary Clinton supporter) behind Out, The Advocate, the Here network and other gay media monoliths, is outraged by Obama's professed aversion to gay marriage. "If we write checks to candidates who don't stand up for us, aren't we being self-destructive?" We don't know, Paul — Hillary didn't support gay marriage either, and you seem to have survived. Off you go! [Via Queerty]

Here's Lou Dobbs, CNN immigrant-hater, complaining about how the entirety of the press—besides him!—is totally, completely in bed with Barack Obama. He's right, of course. Except that the media attention is so self-defeating, twisted, and unhelpful that it's facile to paint it as a neat little example of liberal bias. Also what the hell is he still doing on CNN? Everyone else on the network seems embarrassed to be associated with him. Him and Jack Cafferty should have a show together. A Broadway show! Because then we would never see it.

Dave Matthews, Kanye West, and Sheryl Crow are all performing like monkeys for VIPs in Denver this week. Also expected to be skulking around Denver this week are Ben Affleck, Josh Brolin, Annette Bening, Spike Lee, Anne Hathaway, Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron, according to AFP. Oh, and Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi are performing before and after Obama's acceptance speech, at that stadium! Soooo many celebrities! Because America loves its celebrities, except that it also despises and resents them. You know how most of America's problems are caused not by the disastrous failure of government over the last like 30 years but by, uh, Tim Robbins? Yes, of course you do! So do Republicans, who learned long ago that the only thing America loved more than obsessively consuming pop culture object is loudly decrying the creators of those objects as unAmerican queers. The fact that Hollyweird (along with the music and television weird-ustries) caters directly and scientifically to every desire of every American demographic does not mean that anyone actually likes famous people, because, obviously, they are misanthropic wealthy blinkered assholes whose lives bear no resemblance to the lives of their audiences. Which is true! They are! Just like politicians and their constituencies! Except no one knows who their Representative is, and everyone knows who Ben Affleck is. He is the Vince Vaughan who isn't funny! And then it gets really odd, because even someone like Bruce Springsteen-who is unreservedly beloved by basically all white people older than 30-suddenly becomes a loathed example of garish flashy wealth when he sings a song for a Democrat. But, you may say, if you actually like Bruce Springsteen it is patently obvious that he has always sang bleeding heart songs about losers betrayed by their countries! But he also sings about cars which cause the Global Warming, which is a myth except when liberal celebrities have big houses, and then it is real. So. Now Obama has to "stay away" from these famous people, except for the ones singing to him on TV, and also George Clooney has issued a press release announcing that he's never texted Barack Obama. George Clooney, in case you are unfamiliar with him, is basically the single most well-liked man in America, which is why his support for Barack Obama is the kiss of death. Of course, if you are a Republican, you get to have the support of shitty country acts who are massively, hugely, insanely popular across the entire country except in the places where journalists live, so they don't count as "celebrities." Get it? Photoshop: Steve Dressler

Barack Obama's campaign has been the most successful end-run of the mainstream media machine in American politics. But the senator's plan to text-message his announcement of a running mate at 3 a.m. Saturday —- deliberately out of step with the MSM news cycle — was beaten to the punch by a collusion of two factions: Experienced reporters out to get the scoop, and people close to the politicians who didn't get the gig.

The best way to judge a society is to judge how well it takes care of those unable to take care of themselves — like music and film executives, for example. Motivated by profit and self-interest, they have been helpless to stop digital piracy from eroding their relevance and profit margins at home or abroad. Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden to the rescue! Reports PaidContent:

So, sigh, it's New York Times official. In his increasingly promising race to become America's Next Top Presidential Also-Ran, Illinois senator Barack Obama has chosen foreign policy-hungry Delaware senator Joe Biden as his running mate. We entertained this idea and called it a bad one earlier this week, and I know close to nothing about politics compared to Pareene so I'll just leave this as news without comment. Other than to say that this is a bad, borderline esoteric choice that ought to leave Obama's less wonky supporters shrugging their shoulders and muttering something about Rielle Hunter and the frustrating and limited foresight of sex-afearin' American politics.

So much for being the first to know, as Barack Obama's campaign promised Internet users who handed over their email addresses and cell-phone numbers in exchange for early notice of Obama's VP pick. "Multiple Democratic sources confirm to CNN that Sen. Barack Obama has selected Sen. Joseph Biden as his vice presidential nominee," CNN.com reports. A text message with the announcement will be sent to Obama's supporters sometime Saturday morning." BarackObama.com is still soliciting users' emails and phone numbers. Oh, and Twitter?Earlier today, users of the microblogging service were convinced Obama had picked Bloomberg. The Twitter users who got word of the real pick heard it through, yes, a Twitter account reposting CNN's story. Why didn't the campaign just direct people to sign up for CNN's breaking-news alerts? Those seem faster.

It's a given among most blue-state intellectuals that Barack Obama will take office as president in January. That means looking past November's election to next year's Obama-tunities in Washington, D.C. The most obvious slot for aspiring Valley vets would be Obama's promised new position of national chief technology officer. A CTO slot has been one of Obama's talking points for months, but today reliable pot-stirrer Robert Scoble cracked the worm can open by throwing a list of names onto his blog:

• People's $14 million purchase of the Brangelina pics worked out nicely in the end. The issue sold 2.6 million copies, making it the mag's best-selling issue in seven years. [WWD]

Unfashionable as it is, we have to admit to loving the Celebrity Right for its candor, combativeness and diligence throughout this year's election cycle. George Clooney can fire off as many "c u L8R, prez" texts to Barack Obama as his mobile plan will allow, but we're far more impressed by the texture of the ideology espoused by the likes of Jon Voight, Dennis Hopper, and now — at last! — SNL alum Victoria Jackson. And by "texture" (at least in Jackson's case), we basically mean the fine, aromatic quality of fresh batshit:

Ok we are BREAKING OUR OWN PLEDGE here and passing along two bits of fantastic News-Free Vice Presidential Speculation Updates. FIRST: Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal accidentally sent out a statement saying Obama chose Tim Kaine. Hah. So we know it's not him! Second: for some reason, everyone is now claiming totally obscure conservative Texas congressman CHET EDWARDS is a finalist. Yes, of course. Because this is the perfect season to roll out those OBAMA/EDWARDS lawn signs, right? Jesus Christ.

Philip Berg is a political activist, lawyer, and all-round nut. (He is not the same Philip Berg who founded the Kabbalah movement, incidentally, although they're as crazy as each other.) You may have heard Berg's name back in 2001 when he tried to have Supreme Court Justices O'Connor, Scalia and Thomas disbarred for their role in Bush v. Gore. Or when he sought to file murder charges against President Bush and Vice President Cheney. Well, he's back: This time the diehard Hillary Clinton supporter has filed a lawsuit to declare Barack Obama a foreign-born citizen, which would mean he wouldn't be eligible to serve as president. And where does Berg's evidence come from? Wikipedia! So it must be true! The full suit below.

Oh god stop it with the Obama Veep stories. Just, everyone, STOP. Argh. The AP sez Obama may announce later today!! Which, yeah right! If he's announcing today he'll do it early, because Friday afternoon is when you dump an affair, not a VP announcement. And if it's not in the next hour, it will be Monday. Or Tuesday! Or even fucking Wednesday. So let's all take a vow to not write about it any more until there is NEWS. [AP via Yahoo]

"Your math is indeed bullshit," writes commenter Jeffrey McManus about yesterday's Zogby poll result that gave John McCain a 5 percent lead over Zogby's usual front-runner, Barack Obama. "The presidential election is chosen by electoral votes selected on a state-by-state basis. Any poll that tries to dumb down the situation by displaying a straight percentage of voters is bullshit." Let me shorten that: "Any poll ... is bullshit." Including the aspiring experts at the poll rollup site McManus recommends, Electoral-vote.com.They called it for Kerry in 2004, by refining a guesswork algorithm until it forecast the electoral vote count almost exactly backwards. The site's editor seems to believe that applying the right mathematical formula to inaccurate poll results will get him accurate results. That's the epitome of the old programmer's saying — Garbage in, garbage out.

• Barack Obama will appear on the cover of Time for the seventh time this year. [Drudge]

Congratulations to Barack Obama for finally running a no-holds-barred attack ad against John McCain. It's a masterpiece of the genre (the "more in sorrow than in fearmongering" attack), taking one odd biographical detail as proof of mendacity, with a touch of underhanded smear thrown in. You are poor and broke and the bank is taking away your house, but John McCain? He is so old he doesn't remember how many houses he has! (Narrator: "It's seven. Seven houses.") It's a fun little number. But as you watch our above compilation of some of our favorite attack ads of the last forty-odd years, well, you may notice that no modern candidate can touch the '60s for mean-spirited spite. LBJ will cut you to win reelection. Click to see the compilation, and Obama's modern attempt at the genre is below.

Though Scarlett Johansson may be Kanye West's "Favorite White Girl," she's only got eyes for two men: fiancé Ryan Reynolds and presidential candidate Barack Obama. Sadly, her love for one may be interfering with her plans for the other, and this is one situation that even her ménage à trois-promising website can't resolve. According to Showbiz Spy, Johansson may delay her wedding until her unreciprocated email buddy makes it into the Oval Office:

People are outraged that Rush Limbaugh just said something offensive! This is him talking about Barack Obama somehow: "I think it really goes back to the fact that nobody had the guts to stand up and say no to a black guy." Except Rush, obv! Racist! But, you know, who cares? This is probably a sign that the terrorists have WON but it is actually impossible to be outraged by this man anymore. Did you even notice that he said two even more offensive things about Barack Obama this week? No you did not, unless you are Media Matters! On Monday, Rush said that Obama "believes it is proper to kill a baby that has survived an abortion," which is a lie they say but who cares. And, uh, yesterday Rush said this:

With Barack Obama apparently underperforming in the polls, he's under new pressure to pick Hillary rather than a ho-hum choice like Tom Kaine or Evan Bayh. And for some reason, Hillary and her supporters want – insist, in fact – that she be named. But why?